A slice of Pie and a cup of coffee--Rest in Peace, Joseph Roche--10/18/50-11/26/15

A really great man passed away this morning.  He wasn't great by anyone's standards, other than mine, and to all those who loved him, which included me, and so I thought he was great.   His name was Joe Roche, and he was married to my sister, Lisa, which made him my brother-in-law.  

I first met Joe in the early 1990's, when he started dating Lisa.  I was working a lot as an attorney, and I was dating my husband, so I didn't really pay much attention to Joe.  But that was the way Joe was.  He was just kind, thoughtful, and an all-around good guy.   For some reason, he was just happy to be with Lisa, and he loved her.   A lot.   And then they got married, and he became my brother-in-law. 

Joe came to every event at my house for the last 23 years.  He came to baptisms, Christmas dinners, and yes, Thanksgiving dinners.  He was always a pleasure, and never a problem.  He went back for seconds, which was what a good hostess wants, and he complimented the food.   Even the year I ordered the whole Thanksgiving dinner from Whole Foods, because I had just had Lily.    He was always happy to have a piece of apple pie at the end of the meal, and a cup of coffee.  Just apple pie and coffee.   He was just happy with a slice of pie, and a cup of coffee.  Nothing fancy. 

Joe was a devoted father.   He had Kyle and Laura from his first marriage,  but his wife died after a long illness.   Then he married Lisa, and had Joseph and Reily with Lisa.  He never left his children without saying "I love you."   I can remember him dropping off Joseph for something at my house a year ago, and he said "I love you" to Joseph before he left.  It was only going to be overnight or something.  I say that often to my kids, but I was surprised that Joe would say it to Joseph with such meaning for what was only going to be a day or so away....and I think Joseph was 18 years old at the time.  

Joe got ill a few years ago with cancer, and he seemed to have fought it successfully.  For 6 months or so, he seemed to be doing better.  In September, he complained that his back hurt.  Oh no, I thought, not the back,.  I thought, that back pain meant that perhaps that meant the cancer had come back, and he had tumors on his spine.   I was correct.  He did.  

A few weeks ago, I was driving home from a late meeting, when my nephew called to tell me his father only had weeks, or months to live.  A few days later, I walked by this tree, and I thought, "that tree is like Joe.   It had a long season, is full of life, and is now fading away."   A few times, Lily and I would go for a walk, and we called it our Uncle Joe tree.  I noticed it a week ago, and it was more than half-way gone with its leaves.   

Yesterday, I walked by, and I stopped, because I noticed that there were virtually no leaves on the tree.   And that's when I knew.   Joe's time was almost over.  

On November 6, 2015, this tree reminded me of Joe's life: 

                   On the morning of November 25th, less than 24 hours before he passed, this is how that   tree looked...and I knew the end was near for Joe.

So I was not surprised when Laura called me late Wednesday night to tell me that Joe was not doing well, and this was probably the end.  I couldn't go down, because Chris was out picking up kids, and I was alone with Lily.  But we all went down last Saturday, and many times over the last few weeks, and every time I left, I made sure Joe knew exactly the way we all felt about him, and that, to me, at least, he was a great man.

Tonight at dinner, we said a prayer for Uncle Joe.  And when I brought the apple pie out, I thanked God for letting Joe Roche into my life.  But this year, I didn't need to make coffee for anyone.  Rest in peace, Joe Roche.  I will miss you very much.