Two years ago...Chris' stroke two years later--May 28, 2018

I think that when you live with something or someone, you tend not to notice things.  Like you don't notice when your child shoots up 4 inches over a summer.

Why I am so sad the Middle is ending tonight....May 22, 2018!

I am really, really sad that the Middle is ending tonight.  First, while I don't watch a lot of television comedies (I actually kind of do, to be honest...)  I always watch this show, because it has always so closely mirrored my own life.  First, the kids are like mine:  Axel, the oldest kind of self-absorbed son (Jack),  Sue, the really kind, kind of mis-guided daughter who doesn't get along with Axel, despite her best attempts (Anna),  and then Brick, the sophomore in high school who is a little quirky (Matthew.)

Also, because while at the beginning of the show, I didn't really care about the ages of the kids, as they have gotten older, I have become more aware of how the aging of the kids mirrors the aging of my own children, which is making me sad.  Because as Axel graduates from college, Jack gets ready for his senior year.  Sue and Anna are less than 6 months away from each other in age (Sue is born in February, 1997--I'm not a weirdo, she just turned 21 on the show).  Anna will be 21 this August.   And Brick and Matthew are the same ages. So as I see those Heck kids moving up and out, I started to see my own children moving up and out.

And, in fact, Jack is moving out....to Washington DC this August.  I really couldn't be happier.  I wanted to end up in DC, but life intervened (another story).   But seeing the way the Heck kids are getting older, and moving on, makes it more obvious to me that my children are doing the same.  Which makes me sad.....

Jack's Graduation Weekend!! Notre Dame Commencement--May 18-May 20th, 2018!

What an amazing weekend!

We're hitting the road for Notre Dame Commencement weekend! May 17, 2018!

So,  this is it for Jack.  Four years of Siegfried friends,  North Dining Hall meals,  tailgating at football games, and, of course, magna cum laude grades in Mechanical Engineering, and Jack's time as a resident of Notre Dame will be coming to a close this Sunday.  I am thrilled for him.  His four years at Notre Dame have really been for him all that I could have ever wanted for a child.  An amazing school, with a great academic program, lots of fun, and, for him, a job at the end of the road, which he starts in August.  What more could a parent want?

And so today, we all hit the road....all of us, even though some of us are missing big rowing races here, and I will be spending the majority of the weekend in a wheelchair because after 4 weeks from a double knee replacement, I really can't walk more than a few hundred feet.   I am amazed at the number of people who have told me that I should stay home... because a college graduation really trumps all of the above, and there is no way I am going to miss seeing Jack graduate from Notre Dame on Sunday!!

The Double Knee Replacement Diaries....Four weeks after....May 17, 2018!

So, I had both of my knees replaced on April 17th, 30 days ago.  I have really never been in such a terrible situation.   The pain was brutal, brutal, brutal.....for three weeks, on lots of Percocet.  And even 30 days later, I cannot walk very far, and I have to sit down after more than a few minutes of standing.

And the isolation.  Because I can't walk, and I can't drive, I can't  really leave my house.  Which has made me a shut-in (Lily points out, probably correctly, that a person who lives with four other people is not really a shut-in.)   And being a shut-in is really difficult.  All day not talking to anybody. So, not for me, but really nice and attentive to any shut-ins you do know.  You may be the only person that person talks to all day. And some day, like me, you might become a shut-in.

Being Happy, on Mother's Day, 2018! May 13, 2018

This was a great Mother's Day.  Last year, if I recall, not so much. But this year was great.  

I woke up late, after a bad night sleep (I am recuperating from a double knee replacement, more on that later.)   I made it a goal to go to church today, which I have not been able to do. With the exception to two trips to the stop sign next door, and two trips to Whole Foods that left me completely wiped out, I have not really left the house in the last almost 4 weeks. 

So, Timmy, Lily and I went to church, while Matthew and Chris ran over to get Matthew a job as a caddy this summer.   Not surprisingly, Matthew put off going over  to talk to the caddy master until the last minute, so we left without him. 

But church was really good.  It was about happiness.  I don't know why.  But it was about happiness, and finding joy.  I have been feeling very isolated and shut-in (with the four other people I live with!), and post-surgery, every thing has been difficult.  I can't drive, I can't really walk, so it is just difficult to be me.  Which can make a person un-happy.  But today the priest said that "happiness is caused by external stimuli."  Which I think some people may take issue with (because happiness is supposed to come from inside), but I think it can be kind of true.  If I am in a happy place, I feel happy.  When I am sleeping on my couch, I am un-happy.  And the priest also said that sometimes you are happy, then you are un-happy.  But guess what, you will be happy again.  Which is what happens.   And I really needed to hear that.

Also, I was complaining about my situation a little (who wants to hear me complain??),  to my friend, Meg, and she said that I only need my family to make me happy, and two friends.   And I have two friends, so I am happy. And I needed to hear that, too.

And then at church we sang "Be not Afraid", and "The Prayer of St. Francis."  Are you kidding me?  I already said I was feeling a little sad.  These, along with "Here I am, Lord", are my favorite songs.    Timmy was embarrassed that I was getting teary about the songs.  It made me realize how lucky I am.

When we came out, it was rainy and cold.  It was supposed to be 90 degrees today according to Adam Joseph a few days ago...then it started going downhill. Officially, I think the high today was 57 degrees.   Chris had made plans to go to a new place for brunch, but it is actually a little hard for me to get in and  out of the car, so I just decided to just go home and eat breakfast sandwiches around our kitchen table...which is what we did.   

Then I read to Lily (which is something I should be doing more of), while she played with slime (which is something she should be doing less of), so that was nice.  

For dinner, we were supposed to go to a friend's house for a little graduation party, but I was not feeling great, so the four of them went, and I stayed home here.  And then Jack called.  And then we spoke for the next two and a half hours.  

And we should have known this would be happening soon...Matthew gets his driving permit! May 12, 2018

Matthew turned 16 on Monday, and he would have gone and gotten his permit that day, but the DMV is closed, so he had to wait until his first day off from Crew...and that day was today.  So here is Matthew holding his Driver's Permit....which means he is allowed to start learning how to drive on the road.  Oh lord....another passage I am not really all that happy about, but I will be happy for him.

Happy 16th Birthday to Matthew--May 7, 2018!

I am not the first person to say this, but birthdays really have a way of creeping up on you.  And today, Matthew turns 16.   I know the last several years have been a change for all of us, but it is hard to believe that the little guy who walked around with forks down his back to be like a warrior, is now 16 years old, tall, handsome, and in high school!   While Lily is truly my baby, for a long time, Matthew was my baby.   And he is utterly devoted, and good to me...still.   I might not always be one of his favorites, but I will take what I can get.

Happy 16th Birthday, Matthew!

Timmy's College Decision is....was...is now....May 4, 2018

I think this one was the worst college acceptance of all three of my children.   Timmy had to choose between three amazing colleges:  Penn Wharton, Duke, or Notre Dame.   And although he had almost 5 weeks to decide which college to attend, including several long trips to each campus, overnight stays with friends at all three colleges...it still came down to 11:40 pm on May 1st.   And even then, after he pushed "Send" and his college choice was made....it still made him unhappy.

So, I called the college he really wanted to go to, where he felt most welcome, where he felt like he was most like the other kids who go there, and where he thinks they have an amazing Computer Science program.   And like the meddlesome mom I am, I asked him if he could still go to this school.  And the Admissions staff said "yes."

So, it has come to pass, after much debate, that Timmy will be attending the University of Notre Dame this fall.  And we could all not be happier!

But nothing is ever final around here until the fat lady sings...so hold on for any changes.