7 piles of Laundry

Today is the day I've been anticipating/dreading for 19 years.    Jack leaves for college today.   I have been asked so many times "how do you feel?"   Well, I don't know how else one is supposed to feel about dropping off one's baby/child in a new environment that isn't home after being with/thinking about/worrying about/loving that child every day for the last 19 years--yes, even before he was born.  I am incredibly happy for him--he will be so great at this school!!   I am also incredibly sad for us--the remaining 6 of us at home.

I can vividly remember talking to Jack about going away to college when he was barely a toddler.   Explaining to him about that he will live in a place called a dormitory.   No, I won't be making him dinner, but he will eat in a place called a cafeteria.   No, I won't see him every day, but we can talk on the phone (this was before texting!), and that if he was really sad, I would come visit him.   We've talked about this day since he was three.    He wanted to know why you have to go to college, if you already know how to read and write after going to Kindergarten?  I explained it all, and I would silently think how sad that day would be.   And now, I am at that day.

Lots of people have said "Oh, well you'll still have 4 at home",  as if you can lose one child, and make up for it with the others.   I know they are well-intentioned.   Maybe they could just say "oh, that is going to be hard."

This morning, at 5 am, I got up, and I started folding laundry,  finishing up packing for our 5-day trip to his new school, and it me hit again.  I was folding laundry into the 7 piles of laundry I have folded for the last almost 8 years since Lily was born--and I realized that when we get back, there will be no pile for Jack.    I know he will be home for Christmas and summers, maybe, but on Monday, there will be no pile of laundry for Jack.  That really makes me sad.

We are all driving out, leaving this afternoon.  Of course, we are barely ready to go...so much to do today.   I woke up wondering if I had forgotten to get one of those little things to hold the soap in when you travel for when he walks from his room to the shower.     I will have lots of other reminders of him leaving in a few minutes, but for right now I am thinking that for awhile, at least, there will only be 6 piles of laundry in our home.   Among all the other dozens of ways I will miss about not being with Jack every day, I will miss that other pile of laundry.